Life Strategies - For those with one hand tied behind their back: How To Live A Good Life

Move away from self-importance

Move towards importance

In every situation, you have 2 choices.

Thinking:

Choice 1: - Think only about yourself.

Choice 2: - Think about the positive and negative impacts on other people.

Communicating:

Choice 1: - Communicate what you want, when you want, how you want, how you please - regardless of impacts and consequences.

Choice 2: - Communicate with regard to the positive and negative impacts on other people, and the positive and negative outcomes and consequences.

Acting:

Choice 1: - Act with regard only for yourself, act how you please, and any way you please.

Choice 2: - Act with regard to the positive and negative impacts on other people, and with regard to the positive and negative outcomes and consequences.

Easy Default Choice:

The default for your thoughts, words and actions, will be Choice 1.

Your ego, and your natural tendency to react immediately, will make you lean strongly towards it.

It will subconsciously direct you to…

Think only about yourself.

Communicate as you please.

Act as you please.

The easy default choice is to choose what's good for "I", "me" and "my" (Self-importance)

The Harder More Meaningful Choice:

The harder more meaningful and more impactful choice is to think and care about other people, and make your choices in alignment with that (Importance).

Instead of choosing what's good for "I", "me" and "my" (Self-importance), you choose with others in mind, based on what the need of the hour dictates (Importance).

Self-importance vs. Importance:

To move from self-importance to importance in any situation, you have to think about just one question.

Question:

The question is: "What is the need of the hour in this situation?" What can I do which will meaningfully impact this situation?

Thoughts:

"How can I help?" is a thought question that will meaningfully impact a situation.

"What might I do?" is a thought question that will meaningfully impact a situation.

"What changes can I make?" is a thought question that will meaningfully impact a situation.

"What resources can I use?" is a thought question that will meaningfully impact a situation.

Communication:

Reactive communications are not helpful.

Judgmental communications are not helpful.

Abusive communications are not helpful.

Antisocial communications are not helpful.

Blaming communications are not helpful.

Attacking or defensive communications are not helpful.

Show-off communications are not helpful.

Tit for tat communications are not helpful.

Passive-aggressive communication is not helpful (example stony silences).

Before you communicate, or not communicate, ask yourself this question, "Will this be helpful?"

What do I need to make the right decision?"

Actions:

Act for the good of others, not yourself.

I admit - this is not easy.

The problems of others can stymie your progress.

The problems of others can set you back.

The problems of others can pull you down, or hold you back.

It can be a one way street with others, where they bask in your sunlight (or have basked in your sunlight in the past), without any reciprocal sunlight for you to bask in.

The self-importance beast in your heart will continuously demand to be fed.

Starve it and do good for yourself while doing good for others.

Make that your new mantra.

“I will do good for myself while doing good for others”

The one thing that has impacted my career as a Commissions Consultant most is adopting this mantra - of "doing good for myself while doing good for others."

Thinking: Old Self-Importance Mantra: I will think about how to make myself look and feel good.

Thinking: New Importance Mantra: I will think about how I can make other people look and feel good.

Communication: Old Self-Importance Mantra: I will think only about myself when I communicate.

Communication: New Importance Mantra: I will think about the impact on other people when I communicate.

Action: Old Self-Importance Mantra: I will do only what makes me look and feel important.

Action: New Importance Mantra: I will do what is important, even if it appears to do nothing for my self-importance – it is part of my new philosophy of doing good for myself while doing good for others.

Move away from self-importance

Move towards importance

Acknowledgements:

Thanks for the feedback, (comments, likes, shares) on earlier posts in this series. I appreciate the kudos from old friends, new friends, and relatives who have become friends. You keep me going

NEXT, Thanks to all readers, current and future, for sharing my journey to wisdom, meaning and a better life. Like you, I am trying to find my way through this complex maze we call life, and I am honored to have you share my journey, as I continue to seek the wisdom hidden in plain sight.

FINALLY, A Happy Birthday shout-out: to those with September birthdays. I hope you will use your birthday month to start doing good for yourself by doing good for others. Confession...I started doing this only in the last few years. Seeing how much more sense it makes, as well as how well it has worked for me, I deeply regret not having focused on importance vs self-importance earlier. You can get it right from the get-go. Remember, if you want to do that, you have to be in your full senses; so any obstacles to being in your full senses must be tackled first. No question about that. No way around that.

To all my readers, have a blessed “doing good for yourself while doing good for others week, and see you next week.

P.S. Not sure if you have time, but if you do, you may enjoy these other posts:

Friendships