If you make a list of all the things you have “achieved” in
your life, and then make a list all the things you have been able to “get over”
in your life, the first list, the list of the things you have “achieved” will
be longer than the list of the things you have been able to “get over”.
This is because it’s extremely hard to get over anything, and
the reason is we have ingrained fears, habits, personality tendencies,
attitudes, deep-rooted ways of thinking, and physical and mental addictions, which
get in the way.
Thus, to successfully get over anything, we first need to
get over any ingrained fears, habits, personality tendencies, attitudes,
deep-rooted ways of thinking, and physical and mental addictions that may be in
the way.
A fear of needles Take a simple thing like a fear of needles.
A fear of needles can be detrimental to your health.
Ask me – I know from first-hand experience.
A fear of needles kept me from immunizations, from regular
blood tests, and most importantly, it kept me from buying a home blood glucose
meter, and testing my blood sugar, after I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes.
I allowed my fear of needles to get the better of me, and as
a result, I allowed my pre-diabetes to worsen.
But a year and a half ago, I finally conquered my fear of
needles, and it was a turning point in the progression of my pre-diabetes.
I was already 6 months into an LCHF diet, when I bought my
first blood glucose meter, and started testing my blood sugar. I tested my blood
sugar when I woke up in the morning, and I also tested my blood sugar after every
single thing I ate.
What I quickly learned from doing these blood sugar checks, was
what made my blood sugar spike, and what didn’t.
I started avoiding the foods that spiked my sugar (carbs
such as rice, wheat, potatoes, fruit, most dairy, cereals and grains), and replacing them with other
carbs (avocado, garbanzo, asparagus, artichokes), and with healthy fats and protein.
These dietary changes caused my fasting blood sugar and
HBA1C to go down. When last I did a lab blood test, my fasting was 96 mg/Dl, and my
HbA1c was 5.6 – out of the pre-diabetes range.
Getting over my fear of needles has thus had a life and
health-changing impact on me, enabling me to “halt and reverse” pre-diabetes.
An anger management problem Now let’s look at another thing which I, and many other
people, I have observed, find it hard to “get over”: an anger management
problem.
When you have an anger management problem, you fly into a
rage at the slightest provocation.
As a result, you can undo any amount of kindness, caring and
generosity you are known for, in the blink of any eye.
Ask me – this used to be my story.
Minoo 1.0 used to fly into rages at the drop of a hat.
I was extremely unpleasant to deal with at such times.
I used to shout and scream.
Unfortunately, there is no way to predict what will trigger
the rage of a person with an anger management problem.
And there is no way to stop them, when they are in the
middle of a rage.
By the time, they calm down, they have often said and done
terrible things; in my case, a string of unnecessary and nasty things would pour
out of my mouth, at the top of my voice.
People with an anger management issue, conveniently blame
their anger on being provoked by other people.
But as Viktor E. Frankl, who survived 4 concentration
camps, and was a renowned neurologist and psychiatrist, said:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response”
Instead of going into a rage, we have to use the space
between stimulus and response to choose a different response.
Happily, this is something I learned to do.
The response I chose, was to observe the thoughts in my head, and my feelings, without expressing them.
In not expressing my thoughts and feelings, I noticed the strong thoughts and feelings would
become weaker, and then slowly and surely subside - just as they had arisen.
They were like clouds in the sky. They were there, and then they were gone.
In doing this, again and again – just silently observing the
thoughts and feelings provoked in my mind, in response to a situation - rage stopped being my
default response.
What a relief for me! What a relief for everyone else, as well!
I truly regret every single act of rage in my past, and it
is a relief to have so completely gotten over my anger management issues, I can
trust myself not to freak out in any situation.
In fact, as time goes on, I have noticed it is getting harder
and harder for anyone, or any situation, to provoke me.
I have gotten so good at using the space between stimulus
and response, to avoid reacting.
Observe and reflect, don’t react. This is my advice to
anyone who desires to conquer an anger management problem.
And I do hope it will become an all-powerful desire in
your life.
Because the world would be a much better place, without anger management problems.
Being a high-maintenance person Anger management is closely related to being a high
maintenance person, which was also something I struggled with for most of my
life.
A high maintenance person is a “my way or the highway”
person, hard to please, and easily frustrated.
If you are a high maintenance person, you can be a pain, because
you want everything to be a certain way, and if they are not a certain way,
then you criticize, nag, or resort to other tactics.
Tears, escapism, passive-aggressiveness, and coming down with
a physical illness, such as a stress headache, are some tactics of a high
maintenance person. Nowadays, people even use social media to get back at people.
I used to be a high maintenance person.
I would get very upset if things didn’t go my way.
Sometimes, I would try to pretend things were okay, even
though I was upset.
My pretense usually displayed as passive-aggressiveness.
Examples of things that could trigger a high-maintenance
response from me, were people showing up late, or not showing at all, people not keeping
their promises, people changing plans at the last minute, or sometimes, even if I just felt left-out, or neglected.
The fact I had an anger management issue didn’t help.
Sometimes I would explode, when things did not go as
planned.
But this story has a happy ending. Using the same approach which helped me get over my anger
management issues, I was able to get over my high-maintenance ways, and become a low-maintenance person.
I was able to use the space between stimulus and response, to avoid my melt-down
responses to unpleasant surprises, such as people not being punctual, no shows, changes in
plans, promises which were not kept, delays, not getting what I asked for, etc.
I used the space between stimulus and response, to observe
my thoughts and feelings, until my thoughts and feelings subsided.
I then reflected on my thoughts and feelings, and asked
myself if there was a better way to deal with the situation.
I soon realized the elephant in the room was my
expectations. They were causing the problem.
The answer was for me to replace expectations with expectancy.
The answer was for me to accept known realities.
The answer was for me to go with the flow.
If someone in your life frequently flakes, and makes
excuses for flaking, you should learn to embrace that reality. Allow for the
possibility of them flaking at the last minute, allow for the sound of their
excuses on your ears. After all, what they might do (or not do) is completely out
of your control.
Just go with the flow.
Likewise if someone has a pattern of promising not to do
something, and then doing it, or promising to do something, and then not doing
it, you should embrace that reality. Allow for the possibility of their broken
promises – because that’s the way they are wired. It is part of their patterns,
therefore a pattern not in your control.
Just go with the flow.
If you can’t take it anymore, you can separate yourself
from that situation, and that person.
But that may not be possible, if they are part of your family -
a partner, a sibling, or a child, or if they are someone
you have to work with.
The next best thing, in that case, in fact, your only choice,
is to embrace the reality of the situation. Not partially embrace it, but full-heartedly embrace it. Work on yourself until you do.
This is the sane and peaceful way to deal with known, unavoidable, and inescapable realities.
It is totally pointless to get upset again and again over
the same exact things.
Of course, compassion has to be involved.
You have to become indifferent to the troublesome behavior, without becoming indifferent to the person.
This is one of the biggest challenges we will have in life -
how to be compassionate, without being cold and indifferent, and without being a victim. It is a continuous work in progress for me.
So there, I have told you about 3 things I thought I would never get over, but
I did get over – 1) my fear of needles 2) my anger management problem, 3) being
high maintenance.
Now it’s your turn.
Name 3 things you thought you would never get over, but you
did get over.
Next, list 3 things which, if you are able to get over,
will change your life.
1………………………………………………………….
2………………………………………………………….
3………………………………………………………….
Next, write down 3 things which can help you get over the 3
things you just listed.
1………………………………………………………….
2………………………………………………………….
3………………………………………………………….
Finished writing?
I can’t tell you how excited I am.
Knowing how much my life has changed for the better, by
getting over the 3 things I told you about, I know your life is going to get so
much better, after you get over the 3 things you just listed.
So go for it. Give
it all you’ve got. And when you have
achieved your goal, write me about it.
I can’t wait to hear the story of your amazing victory.
Because it’s harder to “get over” things, than to achieve anything,
you will be an instant hero in my mind.
Acknowledgements:
Thanks for the feedback, (comments, likes, shares) on Part 1, 2,3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 of this series. I appreciate the kudos from old friends, new friends, and
relatives who have become friends. You keep me going.
NEXT,
Thanks to all readers, current and future,
for sharing my journey to wisdom, meaning and a better life. Like you, I
am trying to find my way through this complex maze we call life, and I am
honored to have you share my journey, as I continue to seek the wisdom hidden
in plain sight.
FINALLY, A Happy
Birthday shout-out: to those
with July birthdays. I hope you use your birthday month to get over some
of the things in your life that are keeping you from living your best life.
Have a blessed
week, and hope to see you next week.
P.S. Not sure if you have time, but if you want to read the other
posts in this series, you can do so here.
Take me to Part 1 of 10 Things I Told Myself Which Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong (Marriage and Driving)
Take me to Part 2
of 10 Things I Told Myself Which Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong (The I’m a
Words Person, Not a Numbers Person Notion)
Take me to Part 3
of 10 Things I Told Myself Which Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong (The Invest
Like Warren Buffett Fiasco)
Take me to Part 4
of 10 Things I Told Myself Which Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong (Health
Misinformation)
Take me to Part 5
of 10 Things I Told Myself Which Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong (Tax
Cluelessness)
Take me to Part 6
of Things I Told Myself Which Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong (Rich Woman)
Take me to Part 7
of Things I Told Myself Which Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong (What I Want
From a Job)
If you have still more time, featured below is a sprinkling of older posts:
Friendships
The United States of Friendship – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12
Family
Our Cake Boss
Family, Family Songs, The Nightdress
Brigade, Family Advice I
Am Grateful For, The Porki And
Bonkers Tradition, No Need for 23
and Me,Letters to
Lucas, Flying Lessons
Pets
A Fresh
Perspective on Pets, Secrets of The
Super Models In Our Family,BowWow, Meoww, Why You Should
Not Abandon Your Pet
Nature
Hobbies
Managing Your Money
Yoga for
Investors, How to Turn
Your Girl Scout or Cub Scout Into a Stock Scout, Financial Piece
of Mind, Financial Piece
of Mind – Part Deux, A Retirement
Planning Formula You Won’t Find on Oprah
Simplifying Your Life
You know what
Wesabi is, How About Wabi Sabi? The Simple Life, The Element of
Simplicity and Its Hope for Living a More Satisfying Life
Getting Over Your Self-Consciousness
The Element of
Release From Inhibition, The Element of
Being Less Self-Centered and Its Hope for Seeing Things in The Correct Light, The Element of
Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone and Its Hope For Experiencing More of What Life
Has to Offer
Learning to Laugh
How To Deal
With The Sheldon Coopers in Your Life – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,Part 4, The Nightdress
Brigade, You Aced the
SAT, How About the LAT?, How To Cause
Atmost Confuzen at the Scripps Spelling Bee, How To Go From
Madonna to Lilly to Myrtle in The Course of A Single Evening - And Even Have a
Sex Change, A Facebook
Face-Off, A Short Stint
in Advertising
Learning to Relax
How To Become a
Low Maintenance Person, Connected Minds, How To Become
The Kind of Person People Want to Work with, How Many Times
a Day Do You Visit Ireland? The Art of
Carrying Things Lightly
Health
Raising the Bar, 4 Healthy
Eating Ideas I Learned from My Friend Julia, The Element of
Becoming More Focused and Precise In Our Goals and Its Hope for Achieving
Powerful Results
Pursuing A Dream
What’s Next For
You? The Element of
The First Step and Its Hope for Getting Big Things Started In Our Lives, She Victories
Changing in Good Ways
Maybe Its Time
To Become More Receptive, Maybe It’s Time
To Live More Purposefully, Maybe It’s Time
To Bust Some Myths, Maybe It’s Time
to Walk In The Direction Of Your Fears, Maybe It’s Time
To Understand What Freedom Is, Maybe It’s Time
To Turn the Page, Maybe It’s Time
To Rock The World, Maybe It’s Time
For Freshness
1 comment:
Brilliantly analytical, Minoo!A very well -written exposition of your continuing endeavour to persuade your readers to move from the negative to the positive, from resignation to victory, from a rut to that eminently desirable and exalted state of satisfaction in achievement...
Keep them coming!
Ajay
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