How To Live A Good Life – Part 5

A Symbol Of Hope - Painted by my brother David

Move towards positive solutions for the problems in your life.

Don’t let any problems take over your life.

When I suffered my depression, 2 possibilities played repeatedly in my mind:

Possibility 1 was my depression would persist, and never go away. I was devastated by this thought.

Possibility 2 was I would overcome my depression.

It is very hard to believe you will overcome a depression, when you are in the throes of it.

I felt hopeless, hopeless, hopeless. I couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Rollo May says, “Depression is the inability to construct a future”.

I was completely unable to construct a future for myself, while I was in the grip of the depression.

It was impossible to think past it.

I couldn’t see an end in sight.

It didn’t help that my depression came on at the height of my success as an advertising copywriter.

I was a widely recognized creative consultant in my city.

I was successful enough, there was a rumor circulating that I was the highest earning copywriter in the city.

So in the eyes of everyone who knew me, or was acquainted with my name, I had it made.

I was doing a lot of work for a lot of great companies, and I was getting paid handsomely for it – what more could anyone ask for?

But the truth of my situation deviated from the perceptions of everyone.

I was miserable.

No one knew, and no one could tell.

The more the truth of your situation deviates from what everyone thinks, or what you think they think, the more trapped you feel.

My success felt hollow – if people only knew the truth – that I was dragging myself through the day, miserable, unenthusiastic and despairing.

Are you in this situation?

Perception:  People look at where you live, and the cars you drive, and the clothes you wear, and they think you have it financially made.

Reality: You live from paycheck to paycheck, have a ton of debt, and you are extremely anxious about, and have very little confidence in your future.

Perception: You live a dream life – you study at a dream school or college, you have a dream job, you have a dream partner and family.

Reality:  It's not all hunky-dory, and not a day goes by when you don't drive yourself sick thinking about it.

Perception: You have it all together – you are creative and enterprising, and have produced and continue to produce all these wonderful things.

Reality: You don't have any strong relationships, and you are drowning your sorrows in drink,or some other form of escape.

I call this the Kinkade syndrome.

I used to love Thomas Kinkade’s art.

It was a pleasure to walk into one of his galleries.

So it was a shock to read the reports of his death.

He died from alcohol and prescription medicine poisoning.

The reality of his life deviated from everyone's perception of his life - especially during the latter years.

It can happen to anyone.

It happened to me when I suffered my depression.

What is the best way to deal with a problem that threatens to take over your life?

It is not to let it take over your life.

Life zigs and zags.

Sometimes you soar, and it seems like the sky is the limit.

Sometimes you fall to the ground with a hard thud.

You suffer a loss, or you are confronted with a problem that eclipses every other problem you have faced in your life.

It is important not to let a problem, however big, however devastating, take over your life.

For that, you have to accept the paradox of your situation.

There is a name for this paradox.

It is called the Stockdale Paradox.

It is named after Jim Stockdale, a Vietnam War POW, who survived the harsh reality of maximum torture.

Here is how Jim Collins describes the Stockdale Paradox in the book Good To Great:

You must retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties.

AND at the same time…

You must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

In other words, you have to look at the reality of your situation with a cold hard eye, not sugar-coating it, minimizing it, or pretending that it doesn't exist.

At the same time, no matter how devastating that reality is, you have to have faith there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you will be able to not only withstand the worst days, but to come out a stronger and better person.

Do this - and you can survive money challenges, relationship challenges, work challenges, health challenges, emotional challenges, physical and mental hardships.

You will be able to handle any curve ball which is thrown at you in life, and which becomes a test of your strength, your character, and your resilience.

Move towards positive solutions for the problems in your life.

Don’t let any problems take over your life.

It means doing everything in your power to help yourself - the right things, not the wrong things.

When I was going through my depression, I continued to do my consulting work.

At the same time, I did what I was supposed to do to get over my depression.

The psychiatrist told me I needed to get out of the house.

So I called up one of my clients who I used to be on a retainer with, and I said to him, “I need to come back on a retainer”. He immediately said yes.

Before I suffered my depression, I did not have intimate conversations with anyone.

I found out having people in my life whom I could have intimate conversations with, would have been protective against a depression.

I knew it was something I would have to work on.

Is it any wonder family and friendships have been such a strong part of my life ever since?

In fact, I moved to America specifically to be closer to family.

What else did I do to come out of the depression?

I continued to exercise.

I also made dietary changes.

I know vegetarians will be disappointed to hear this, but I switched back to non-vegetarianism as soon as I was diagnosed, because it appeared the switch to vegetarianism might have contributed to my depression, by making me deficient in key vitamins and minerals.

It was a multi-pronged effort.

And guess what?

It paid off.

Eventually, the depression lifted.

What are the lessons of my experience for dealing with a challenging problem?

Use the tools available.

Find out about the tools others have used to deal with the same problem, and start putting them into practice.

Get help. Ignoring or minimizing the problem will not work.

Never give up hope.

There are 7 billion people on the planet.

Some of them are working on a solution for the very thing you are worried about.

Meanwhile, it is your responsibility to apply the available solutions, however distasteful and unacceptable they are to you.

I did not want to go back on a retainer, I did not want to start eating meat, but I did both those things.

Don’t be a vigilante.  Don’t try to solve your problems in an extra-legal way. It will only get you into a bigger mess.

I repeat never give up hope.

You are not unique in having money problems, or relationship problems, or job problems, or health problems, or emotional problems, or housing problems, or car problems, or any of the problems that could suddenly challenge you.

All our lives are a mixture of darkness and light, of hope and despair.

We have to just not let darkness and despair take over our life.

I am so excited by Airbnb, Uber, Lyft, Door Dash, and such, because they are enabling people to keep themselves afloat in tough times, such as when they lose a job, or have a need to bring in more money.

Sometimes, just seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it’s just a candle flickering in the dark, is enough to renew our hope.

Whatever your current challenges, my wish for you is that you move towards positive solutions, and not let the problems take over your life.

I hope you will let my experience, or the Stockdale Paradox, be your guide.

Acknowledgements:

Thanks for the feedback, (comments, likes, shares) on Part 1 and 2 of this series. I appreciate the kudos from old friends, new friends, and relatives who have become friends. You keep me going.

NEXT, Thanks to all readers, current and future, for sharing my journey to wisdom, meaning and a better life.  Like you, I am trying to find my way through this complex maze we call life, and I am honored to have you share my journey, as I continue to seek the wisdom hidden in plain sight.

FINALLY, A Happy Birthday shout-out:  to those with August birthdays. If you are facing challenges, I hope you will use your birthday month to think of positive steps you can take to deal with the challenges, and not let the challenges take over your life.

Have a blessed week, and see you next week.

P.S. Not sure if you have time, but if you do, you may enjoy these other posts:

Friendships

The United States of Friendship – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

Family

Our Cake Boss Family, Family Songs, The Nightdress Brigade, Family Advice I Am Grateful For, The Porki And Bonkers Tradition, No Need for 23 and Me,Letters to Lucas, Flying Lessons

Pets

A Fresh Perspective on Pets, Secrets of The Super Models In Our Family,BowWow, Meoww, Why You Should Not Abandon Your Pet

Nature

Post on Trees, Reprising Joy Kilmer

Hobbies

Cricket, Glorious Cricket, Splendid Post, What!

Managing Your Money

Yoga for Investors, How to Turn Your Girl Scout or Cub Scout Into a Stock Scout, Financial Piece of Mind, Financial Piece of Mind – Part Deux, A Retirement Planning Formula You Won’t Find on Oprah

Simplifying Your Life

You know what Wesabi is, How About Wabi Sabi?  The Simple Life, The Element of Simplicity and Its Hope for Living a More Satisfying Life

Getting Over Your Self-Consciousness

The Element of Release From Inhibition, The Element of Being Less Self-Centered and Its Hope for Seeing Things in The Correct Light, The Element of Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone and Its Hope For Experiencing More of What Life Has to Offer

Learning to Laugh

How To Deal With The Sheldon Coopers in Your Life – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,Part 4, The Nightdress Brigade, You Aced the SAT, How About the LAT?, How To Cause Atmost Confuzen at the Scripps Spelling Bee, How To Go From Madonna to Lilly to Myrtle in The Course of A Single Evening - And Even Have a Sex Change, A Facebook Face-Off, A Short Stint in Advertising

Learning to Relax

How To Become a Low Maintenance Person, Connected Minds, How To Become The Kind of Person People Want to Work with, How Many Times a Day Do You Visit Ireland? The Art of Carrying Things Lightly

Health

Raising the Bar, 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I Learned from My Friend Julia, The Element of Becoming More Focused and Precise In Our Goals and Its Hope for Achieving Powerful Results

Pursuing A Dream

What’s Next For You? The Element of The First Step and Its Hope for Getting Big Things Started In Our Lives, She Victories

Changing in Good Ways

Maybe Its Time To Become More Receptive, Maybe It’s Time To Live More Purposefully, Maybe It’s Time To Bust Some Myths, Maybe It’s Time to Walk In The Direction Of Your Fears, Maybe It’s Time To Understand What Freedom Is, Maybe It’s Time To Turn the Page, Maybe It’s Time To Rock The World, Maybe It’s Time For Freshness